It’s often said that no one goes to a football match with one goal loss before the match even start. This statement clearly illustrates what happens in a romantic relationship with a woman who is a single mother. It is just the same as going to a football competition and conceding one goal or more even before the match has got started. Some would marvel at the incredulous nature of the aforementioned scenario. But that is the scenario that plays out each time in the street that a man begins to date or marry a single mother. There are so many factors that will make a man hesitate from dating a single mom. They are:
Trauma: There is this trauma that a lot of single mothers carry that could be quite disconcerting. It could be a trauma from her past relationship or marriage. It could even be a childhood trauma that she has refused to heal from. Unfulfilled needs and unmet expectations can form the base of the trauma. Heartbreaks from a loved one can be so traumatic that a woman may be begin to hate men or any relationship with them. When men see this, they would hesitate before being committed to her
Priorities and Second option: The fact that she had a child or children already shows that you as a man coming in will be treated as a second option. Her first option is her children. Sometimes, she will love and respect you to the extent to which you love and care for her children. Single mothers are naturally inclined to feel a deep connection to their child or children first. It may not be their fault because the traumatic experiences they might have had could make them see those offsprings as a prized possession that they should nurture and care more than anyone else.
Possibility of Rebound with Ex: There is a high chance that a single mother might go back to her ex-husband or ex-boyfriend for intimacy. This is inevitable if the guy knows how to meet her sexual needs more than the current partner. If the JT is bigger than the current partner or the ex is more romantic in bed, the likelihood of her going back to him for sexual pleasure is high. This is one of the factors men consider that makes them hesitate before dating a single mom
Playing the Victim Card: Most single mothers always see themselves as the victims. Victims of broken marriage. Victims of a failed relationship. Unfortunately, they do carry this victim mindset to their current relationship. This could be a huge turn off for men in a relationship.
Red Flags: Some single mothers are walking red flags. Some of them are so irresponsible, incorrigible, and irredeemable. One thing that makes men hesitate is these red flags. They might start seeing it right from the talking stage. The red flags could be the reason why the other partner left. Some ladies are so arrogant and controlling, forgetting that men love women who are gentle and submissive. Most men hesitate if these red flags are also deal-breaker for them.
Attitudes: When you see a single mother and you want to approach her, the first thing she will give to you is her bad attitudes. They will exhibit some attitudes that tend to say, ‘ I’ve seen it all, done it all, what’s new you want to say?’ Some of them have this arrogant attitude that is just screaming, ‘ I don’t care’. It’s only an unintelligent and crazy fellow that will not see through this facade and hesitate. Some might even listen to you or lead you on until when they know your intentions, they will spill the beans that they are single mothers.
Dramatic Lifestyle: The whole life of a single mother has been filled with drama and chaos. Indeed, she has seen it all. Some of them will even display this drama for you while in talking stage. A single mother is ready to fight you if you discipline her child. It’s repulsive to play a fatherly role to a child without having any authority over the child. Anything you do to the child will be interpreted as a maltreatment because you are not the real father. Some single mothers even go as far as giving rules on how their children should be treated by their new boyfriend or new husband.
Constant Comparison. Most men always develop cold feet in dating a single mother because there will always be a constant comparison between him and the ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. The fact that the previous man has been in her life and has shown some capacities in various aspects of her will make her expect the new person to reach that standard. For instance, if the ex is a spender or someone who gives her weekly allowance, she will be expecting you to do the same thing. Sometimes, she might make it known through subtle means, like telling you stories of what her ex is used to doing. That is for you to get the cue that she wants you to step up to that level. So, the fear of constant comparison with the ex will make men see themselves hesitating at the prospect of dating a single mother.
Shifting Blames: A lot of single mother can never take responsibility for how their last relationship or marriage turned out. They always shift the blame to the men. That should tell any discerning man that there is a problem. This is true in line with the saying that he who tells you about others will one day tell others about you. If she cannot take any single blame for her own actions or her role in the break up, what made you think your own relationship will be any different?
Always Paranoid: Most single mothers have this fear that somebody is about to take what rightfully belongs to them. It’s this feeling that they use to scare men away. It has been established that single mothers prioritize their children more than any man. They feel that the ex-husband might come to claim custody of the child. There have been cases where a man returned to look for his child after many years. The child might want to meet his/her real father but the mother will not let that happen without a fight. If a man sees this state of uncertainty, he may be unwilling to commit to a single mother.
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