Why people who grew up with toxic parents find it difficult to love

Having toxic parents can be very traumatic and also challenging. A lot of people are just walking around with the trauma and pains caused by their toxic parents. What can repair the emotional and psychological damage already done? If parents continue taking out their aggression and frustration on their children, it will create a society filled with people who find it difficult to love. This is because the cycle will continue. So, below are the reasons why people who have toxic parents find it difficult to love

Fear of commitment: A lot of people who grew up with toxic parents are afraid of committing to one person. This is because they see relationship or love through the lens of what happened to them at home. So, they apply caution in loving people. This is usually noticed in children who have absentee father or mother. They are afraid to commit to anyone because commitment brings attachment and attachment ends with detachment. They already know the pattern. People with toxic parents always have commitment issues. They have seen what played out at the home front and how it affects them emotionally and mentally. They have made up their mind that committing to one partner is not worth it. However, it’s very difficult to build a successful relationship or marriage without being committed.

Emotionally unavailable: Having passed through difficult times in the hands of their toxic parents, these people tend to be emotionally distant in relationships. You can shower them with all your love and gifts but something has died inside and nothing can bring it back to life again. Their ability to be emotionally available is no longer there. That’s why it’s always good to be careful how you treat a child, because something dies inside with each maltreatment. People with toxic parents don’t know how to respond to love genuinely because no one has taught them that. The first role of a parent in a child’s life is building emotional connection. This is because the child will grow up with that to face the world.

Used to toxicity: When you see people acting up in their relationships, it a clear show of pattern passed down from parents to children. Some people will intentionally invent issues that will cause drama in their relationships. Sometimes, that is what makes them come alive. They see a happy relationship as boring and will be do everything within their power to make it chaotic. Coming from a chaotic home will make one chaotic by default. Some end up getting used to toxicity that they end up craving for it to come. Some are so used to drama that if their partner is showing them gentle and honest love, they see him or her as being stupid and suspicious. People with toxic parents don’t know what it means to go a week or even a day without quarreling.

Self-sabotage: The way people with toxic parents sabotage themselves is by being selfish and suspicious of the intentions of their partners. They might even start snooping around, looking for something to hold on against their partners. The truth of the matter is that if you go about looking for faults, you shall find what you seek. Sometimes, the self-sabotage will come in the form of fear. When you begin to give them plenty of quality time and attention, they might grow agitated and ghost you. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s just that they are not used to lots of quality time and attention. In most cases, they are weary of being in a relationship when they can not tell the other person’s intentions. So, they block love coming their way or make it difficult to love them.

Low self-esteem: People who have toxic parents have low self-esteem. They always feel they are not worthy of loving or being loved. Sometimes, if someone makes romantic gestures towards, they will feel shy or withdrawn. The idea of romantic relationships makes them uncomfortable. This is because the home they are coming from never gave them that orientation. So, it looks strange to them that someone will chose to love them in their present state. This low self-esteem makes it difficult for someone to love them or for them to love someone

Lack of Trust: There’s no way you can fall in love with someone with toxic parents and expect him or her to trust you. Someone who did not trust the persons who brought them to this world. You cannot build a meaningful relationship where trust does not exist. Trust is the engine oil that lubricate the wheels of love. It’s an irony that the very people entrusted with the job of nurturing the child emotionally broke the trust with their toxicity. It is now a case of things falling apart and the center not being able to hold. This lack of trust make them to also sabotage the relationship or love interest. Someone who did not trust him or herself, will that person trust you?

Abandonment: There are cases of parents, maybe the father or mother, abandoning their children when they needed them the most. It could be that the parents would beat them and leave them in a near-death condition. It might also be that the parent would come back home from work only to unleash his/her frustration on the children. The father or mother who should bring home love and warmth becomes a monster that the children would not want to see. There is no gain saying that some parents have toxic traits or personality, but it is wrong to use your children as the specimen of your toxicity. Some parents have abandoned their children to the care of nannies and other adults. The children cannot have any deep conversations with their parents because their parents are often busy or unwilling to listen. They have resorted to doing life alone. They try to figure everything out on their own. When in a relationship or when love comes knocking, they will find it difficult to love or reciprocate the love because they are not used to it. So, the feeling of abandonment by one’s parents can make one find it difficult to love.